"Render unto God what is God's, and render unto the Empress what is the Empress's — which, by Imperial Decree, is approximately 40% of your bounty payouts."
Founded by sacred proclamation of Her Most Sublime and Imperial Majesty Catiz I, First Apostle of the True Faith and Sovereign Defender of the Imperial Rite, Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs exists to fulfil the most holy and righteous duty known to civilisation: tax collection.
When the Encounter Surveillance Systems were deployed across the lawless expanses of sovereign nullsec, the Empress — blessed be Her ledger — saw not mere instruments of conflict, but divine instruments of fiscal policy. Where lesser minds saw banks to be robbed, Catiz I, whose business acumen was forged in the asteroid belts of her youth and tempered in the merger of the greatest commercial empire Tash-Murkon had ever known, saw revenue rightfully owed to the Golden Throne. And lo, She was displeased by its absence.
Thus was HMRC consecrated by Imperial Directive, its agents anointed not with holy oils but with spreadsheets and warp scramblers. The Scriptures teach that the Amarr are God's chosen people, destined to bring order to the cluster. What greater order is there than a balanced budget? What holier reclaiming than the reclaiming of the Empress's lawful tithes?
Our sacred mission is threefold: to locate Encounter Surveillance Systems across the nullsec territories, to conduct thorough audits of the contents therein, and to collect — on Her Majesty's behalf — all outstanding revenue owed to the Imperial Treasury. Let it be known that every ISK held within an ESS belongs, first and always, to the Golden Throne. That capsuleers have been permitted to generate these bounties at all is a privilege granted by the grace of God and the generosity of the Empress. We do not take what is yours. We collect what was never yours to begin with.
Every ISK we receive from your Main Bank is a hymn sung in praise of the Golden Throne. Every Reserve Bank key we activate is a prayer answered. Every capsuleer who falls in misguided defence of revenue already owed to the Crown has not been killed — they have simply been reminded, with great compassion, that the Imperial tithe is non-negotiable.
Empress Catiz I began Her illustrious career as a lone miner, building a commercial empire from nothing through honest labour and righteous enterprise. We honour Her legacy by ensuring that every subject of New Eden contributes their fair share to the prosperity of Holy Amarr. This is not punishment. This is not piracy. This is the natural order — the divine flow of wealth from the unworthy to the anointed, as God intended since before the sealing of the EVE Gate.
To those who call us thieves: we weep for your ignorance. To resist the agents of HMRC is not bravery — it is tax evasion. Tax evasion is heresy. Heresy is a sin against God, the Empress, and proper bookkeeping. We do not wish to destroy your Myrmidon, but if you insist on obstructing a lawful audit, we shall — with heavy hearts and heated pulse lasers — carry out our sacred duty nonetheless.
The Theology Council has affirmed that payment of tithes is among the highest acts of devotion. By this reasoning, HMRC agents are not soldiers, nor raiders, nor pirates. We are clergy. Our Harbingers are cathedrals. Our Confessors are pulpits. And our Apocalypses are, quite simply, the will of God made manifest in armour plate and tachyon beams.
Amarr Victor. File your returns.