5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth

1.) When a dolphin makes those cute whistles and clicking sounds, they're actually vulgar insults.

2.) Their rubbery, soft skin is easy on the knuckles and makes for a great undersea punching bag.

3.) Dolphins play their entire lives. Humans only play until we reach adulthood - this is unfair. Make it fair by landing a roundhouse kick to the face.

4.) Dolphins love to think that they're the strongest and fastest. Ever see them swim with a boat? To them it's a race. Put them in their place with a solid left hook to the jaw.

5.) Anything that smiles that often needs to be reminded that the world is a cruel, dark place.