1) Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2) He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3) Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
4) Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
5) The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% chance you'll get it wrong.
6) The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who didn't
7) Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
8) The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
9) A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
10) When you go to court, you put yourself In the hands of 12 people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
11) Dr Spooner on baby vs seagull; a seagull flits along the shore, a baby does not...
12) I don't eat vegetarian but I do eat vegetarians