Guristas Militia • Budget Assassin • Loud Incompetent Torpedo Enthusiast

Rumor says I was trained by the Guristas’ elite.
Reality is I watched two videos, misfit a Tristan, and immediately enlisted.

I specialize in:

Shooting first

Shooting second

Asking who I just shot much, much later

Accidentally ambushing people I wasn’t even hunting

Guristas told me: “Blend in, strike from the shadows.”
So naturally I joined faction warfare, turned on my broad scanners, and started announcing targets in local. Stealth is overrated anyway—insurance payouts aren’t.

Certified Guristas Operative™
Uncertified at pretty much everything else.

I only take the most dangerous, high-value targets:
✔ Distracted miners
✔ Lone frigates
✔ The stargate I misclicked on
✔ Myself, sometimes

I woke up once in a clone bay with no memory except how to fit the wrong modules on the wrong ship. Since then, I’ve embraced my destiny as the persistent, discount-grade hitman New Eden never asked for.

If my ship explodes, it was part of the plan.
If yours explodes, also part of the plan.
If neither explode… that’s a bug.